He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
