You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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