For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
