R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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