My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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