I must be too annoying 4 u.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
