Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
