get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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