He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
