Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize