when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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