Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
