you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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