You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
