I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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