It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
