The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
