you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
