it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
two words: eviction party
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
