dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
