Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
