i just google imaged poop.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
