if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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