Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
