lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
