I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
