Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everything about him screamed your future.
two words: eviction party
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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