I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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