When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
