You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
