I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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