Your face is a jimmy john
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
