I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize