my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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