my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am mentally ready for anal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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