if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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