got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
