i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
