he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
