I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
