don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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