i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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