Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
