i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
