What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
