just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
