Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
