I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
