went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
