Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
