Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
