The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
