More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
