I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
