I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
