I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
