So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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