I'm jealous of your bromance
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
