last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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