NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
