his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
