Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
