physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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