1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize