Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
