That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
