I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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